


Escape Doesn't Mean Freedom

by This_Is_Rae



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Echotale (Undertale), Blood, Child Abuse, Explicit Language, Flashbacks, Gaster Papyrus (Undertale), Gaster Sans (Undertale), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Nightmares, Original Character(s), Other, Panic Attacks, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Scars, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-03-01 05:58:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18794365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_Is_Rae/pseuds/This_Is_Rae
Summary: For most of your life, you've been abused by your guardians. Everyday, they harm you in some way, shape or form, and you've finally decided that you've had enough of it. So you sneak out in the middle of the night, running as fast as your legs could carry you until your stomach roars in hunger, and you realize that you've forgotten to bring food and money in your hurry to escape.Luckily, you find yourself behind the house of a monster, and the backdoor is unlocked. Surely, if you're quiet enough, you'll be able to just get some food and go, right?Too bad that you've always had terrible luck.





	1. You've Always Had The Worst of Luck.

**Author's Note:**

> So I think that Aster(Gaster!Papyrus) doesn't get enough love in the fandom, and I've been trying to figure out which skeletons that I should write this for. So here we go.
> 
> WARNING: HEAVY METIONS OF ABUSE AND MINOR FLASHBACK. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

You panted as you walked, your feet sore and your arms almost limp, eyelids threatening to shut in exhaustion. 

You've done nothing but run for the last hour, escaping from the toxic grasp of your so-called ‘home’. It wasn't safe there. It wasn't safe anywhere for you. Any other family that you had was completely out of the question when it came to helping you, so after you had packed your clothes in a backpack and put on the warmest jacket that you could find(it had belonged to your mother, but you couldn't care less). You waited until you could hear the deep snores of your parents and quietly left out the back door.

After you closed the door as quietly as possible, you had immediately took off and ran as fast you possibly could, not caring if any of your neighbors or someone had seen you. All you did was run. Run, run and run for what seemed like days, but in actuality was only for, what, all of 20-30 minutes at most? God, you really needed to exercise more. Just how long has it been since you had the chance to go outside and run without the worries of what your parents might do or the chores that you had?

It didn't help that your new, still slightly purple bruises that were spread all across your body from recent events- from those  _ fuckwits-  _ had only elevated your pain. So not only were your feet sore, but your whole body was suffering too.

Not like you're weren't used to it.

Now you were in an unfamiliar town, but you have of course heard of it many times before.

It was Ebott City, and it was the monster side of town that you were on.

Your relatives have all made it crystal clear that they all had absolutely no tolerance for monsters. When the law was passed that they could roam the country as they pleased, your family had joined multiple protests, dragging you along with them and making you hold up an offensive sign like the rest of them as they chanted for the monsters to ‘crawl back in the underground like the fucking scum that they are’, as your mother had so nicely put it.

You of course had never voiced your opinion on monsters out of fear of how your parents may react, but truth be told, you didn't mind the monsters. In fact, you had felt a bit of excitement at the thought of living amongst monsters. Monsters were incredibly different from humans yet they were somehow similar. You could learn from them as much as they could learn from you.

But now, as you had your back against the back door of a two-story house- you can't help but wonder why there wasn't a fence to close the backyard off form the woods- and your feet ached in pain, you couldn't find it in yourself to be excited or that interested in monsters at the moment.

You wiped the beads of sweat on your forehead as your breathing calmed, then your stomach rumbled in hunger. Gods, when was the last time that you eaten, or had an actual meal at that? It felt like that if you didn't get some food in you soon, then you were going to pass out.

Then an idea came to mind; what if you just...broke into the house?

The idea alone terrified you. No, that was a terrible idea. A  _ really _ , truly  _ terrible  _ idea. Although it seemed that monsters were relatively harmless from what you've actually seen of them(your time on the TV was very limited, but you've seen reports of monsters on the news of them being helpful towards humans), what if the monsters that lived in this house weren't so nice? What if they kill you if they found you, or worse, rape you? What if they call the cops on you? Oh dear gods, the last thing that you'd want is to go to jail. Just the idea of it made you start to shake.

But your stomach growled again, sending a shock of pain through you that made you let out a whimper. You hadn't thought to bring any money with you, so it wasn't like that you could go buy yourself something to eat. Besides, it was the middle of the night, so surely the residents of the household have to be asleep, right?

Taking a shaky, deep breath, you check to see if the door by some chance isn't locked despite your doubt, but it opens much to your surprise. Who the hell just leaves their back door unlocked, and at night no pess? Do monsters not care about safety?

You slip through the small crack in the door and your socks(why didn't you think to steal some shoes too?) meet with the cool tiles of a kitchen, but you freeze as you feel the center of your chest go cold when you hear the distant sound of laughter, and a light illuminating the first few pristine white tiles of the exit from what seems like a living room.

There's a TV on and it's right near the kitchen.

Your feet can't seem to move as you feel your heart begin to beat rapidly, starting to shake as your silently pray to whatever God that's out there that if someone is on the couch that they're asleep. 

Slowly, perhaps the slowest that you've ever moved, you tiptoe to the abnormally large fridge in hopes that you'll survive tonight, and open the fridge. Panic takes over when you open the fridge only for an open bottle of ketchup to fall on the floor, it's contents now spattered on the tile.

To your horror, you hear the sound of the TV being turnt down.

You need to run this instant.

Instead, you can't move, and your entire body has gone frigid. Your heartbeat increases to the point where it's practically pounding in your ears, and your eyes are clouded with hot tears threatening to fall as it takes everything left in you not to break down where you stood.

But then you close your eyes, and behind your eyelids, you see thin figure of your mother stand before you, her eyes burning with fury as she sneered at you.

You gasp, no longer fighting back the tears, “I-I'm so s-sorry, mother, I'll be good! I'll-I'll, I-”

A hand, a large, unknown hand is placed on your shoulder, and you begin to scream.

You don't notice the hand twitching away as if your shoulder had burnt it, but you couldn't care. No. Not right now, when you're mother is glaring at you, raising her hand to strike you and cover your head with both hands to protect knowing full well that it's going to leave a nasty bruise and then-

...but the stinging pain never comes.

Slowly, you take your hands from head, eyes widened in fear as you shaking calmed just the slightest bit as you look up. Your eyes met with two mint lights inside the void of the monsters eyes, or lack thereof, and you pull your head back a little to see their expression. Despite the lights in their eyes being the only source of light besides the almost forgotten TV, you realize that it's a skeleton monster.

An absolutely horrified skeleton monster.

When you fully come back into reality and realize what you've just been caught doing, the fear takes over you mind once again, and so does your shaking as you plead, “I-I'm so, so sorry. I-I just n..needed the food. I haven't eaten in days, p-please, I'll leave and never come back. I'll-”

“Stop.”

The smooth, deep voice of the skeleton stops you from you begs, and you notice that they've begin to shake just the slightest too.

“I...I'm not going to harm you,” he states. “I'm not going to hurt you. Please, there's no need to be afraid. Here.”

You realize that they've been crouching when they suddenly stand up(when did you get on the floor?), and they extend a shaky hand to you. “Please, let me help you up. I'm sure that you must've had...a rough few days, perhaps?”

_ You can say that. _

For a moment, all you do is stare at their extended, gloved hand. This was a  _ monster _ , and as curious as you are about them, you still don't know anything about them besides the few simple facts that you've overheard when your parents watched the news, only for them to start ranting about how all monsters were parasites. For all you know, this monster could easily be lying to you about not wanting to cause harm. They could be able to crash you hand in a second, and then call the police or kill you themself. 

Despite your mind's protest you take their hand, and instead of ripping your hand off, they give you a gentle, hopeful smile as they let out a sigh of relief.

“Good. I'm not going to hurt you, okay? Now, let's get you something to eat, dear human.”


	2. You're Probably Going To Regret This Later.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aster offers you an opportunity, and you take him up on it.
> 
> WARNING: MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL USE AND SLIGHT DOMESTIC ABUSE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

You stared at the old wood of the table as he stared at you from the other, his hand around a fresh cup of green tea and the bright light now switched on from high above the middle of the table.

God, the silence is suffocating.

As he said(“he” was the right term, he informed you), he made you something to eat; a tuna sandwich with apple slices and a glass of lemonade, but you couldn't find it in yourself to take a bite right now. Not with the way that he stared at you, his eye lights watching every little twitch and shiver that you made, only hardening his gaze a little more each time you did so.

Besides, you didn't feel comfortable eating without being told to. Sure, your father and your mother had instructed you that everytime a guest would come over then you wouldn't need to be told to eat so that the guest wouldn't find something wrong with your family, but you were still so used to the shrill voice of your mother telling you, “You may eat,” that it felt wrong to take a bite without asking. It didn't help that you were a naturally messy eater as well, which always angered your father.

_ “I can't believe that my kid is such a fatass.” _

You blink back the sudden tears, your chest tightening at the memory.

The skeleton lets out a sigh, but he gives you small smile. “I suppose that we should start off the normal greeting,” he clears his throat(?). “I'm Aster. Would you be as kind as to give me your name, dear?”

“...(Y/N),” you squeak out, voice still weak from your earlier shouting and pleading.

Aster echos your name, and his smile widens just the slightest bit. “What a lovely name, and with such a lovely face to accompany it, no less.”

Your cheeks heat at the unexpected compliment. You? A lovely face? Surely, he's only messing with you, or wanting to pull some cruel joke. If you lifted the hair up from the right side of your face, he would certainly change his mind.

When you don't comment, he takes a sip from his cup and continues. “To start things off, do you have a home to go back to, my dear?”

“No.”

Although you can't see his expression since you're still looking at the old wood of the table, you can feel his surprise from your suddenly hard tone and you panic. “S-sorry, I..I didn't-didn't mean to-!”

“Please, there is no need to apologize,” Aster assures you, his voice gentle. Calming, almost. “There's no need to worry, I promise you. As I said before, I won't harm you. And I thought you may not, which raises my next question; are you aware of the homeless shelter, by any chance?”

“No,” you whisper, now gently rubbing your throat as the pain increased, making your voice incredibly scratchy. You really shouldn't have screamed like that; your poor throat wasn't use to being used like that. If you yelled or made to much noise when being punished, it only ever made it worse.

Aster hums in thought for a moment, and you can see his gloved hand not holding the cup tapping at it, making a little  _ clack, clack, clack  _ with his phalanges each time. 

It helped calmed you. Just a bit.

“How about this, then,” he says. “I'll give you some money and then I can drive you down to the shelter, if that's what you'd prefer. Or perhaps I cou-”

“N-no. No, please, I-I can't, I don't...w-wanna…” 

Your voice trails off as you begin to cough, covering your mouth with your hand.

You don't notice how Aster hurryingly jumps out of his chair as your mind wonders. You can't go to a homeless shelter. If you do, that means that you'll be around more people. The more people you're around, the worse that it gets. The worse that it gets, the more likely that you'll have a breakdown in front of everyone and if you have a breakdown you're father is going to be pissed and when he's pisswd he always-

“Shhh,” Aster whispers, kneeling beside you with his hands enclosed around your other hand. When did he get so close? 

“Deep, deep breaths, (Y/N). It's okay. Everything is fine. You're in a safe place where nobody will cause you any harm.”

You pull your hand away and look down as you breath in only to see that you've coughed up a bit of blood. The sight of it made you shake, and more tears that you didn't even realize were falling ran down your cheeks. And, from the corner of your eye, you see Aster stiffen.

But he needs to let you know that you're safe.

“It's okay.”

You close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths. When you open your eyes again, it's almost like the blood is taunting you, and you can't stop shaking.

That's how it ended a lot; blood somewhere on your body, and then left with only the feeling of loneliness and anxiety, anticipating what's to come.

…

..but you weren't alone now. That's something, right?

For the first time that you've been here, you look at Aster- who was still kneeling beside you, observing you, with his hands covered your other one-  to finally get a proper look at his features since it was far to dark before.

He's wearing brown dress shoes and a obsidian black trench coat, and you're sure that if he stood up it'd be down to his ankles, or at least to his knees. But even in his kneeled position, you saw how tall that he was before, so you could possibly be wrong. 

Along with his trench coat, he's also wearing a snug, mint green sweater, and a well-used pair of white gloves to go along with the rest of his getup. Was he going somewhere before you arrived, or did he just come back? You can't imagine somebody wearing such a outfit in a casual setting.

But the most eye-catching and alarming thing about his appearance- besides the fact that he's a skeleton- would be his skull, or rather the scars that have been dug into it. One scar goes from the top of his right eye socket and probably to the back of his skull, while the other scar ran underneath his left eye socket and stopped stopped at where his bottom lip would be. What was most odd to you, however, was the fact that they couldn't be cleaner cuts. It was almost like as though he done it himself…

You shake your head. You don't want to think too much about it.

The tension from his shoulders fall a little and he lets out a small sigh before looking off to the side, his expression unsure. “Well...then I'm afraid that I'm at a loss for what to do here. Is there anywhere in particular that you wish to go?”

_ Anywhere that isn't at that hell _ , you think to yourself.  _ Anywhere else but there. _

However, come to think of it, you never really considered exactly  _ where  _ you were going to go; you only thought of being free from your parents toxic hold. You...really didn't plan anything ahead.

“N-no,” you stammer. “I...I don't w-wanna..”

Aster nods, humming in understanding. “Then I'm afraid that I don't know what to do in this situation. I've never had something like this happen to me before.”

He taps his mandible, thinking for a few moments on what to do before his sockets widen, but he seems hesitant as he looks at you with a nervous smile. “I believe that I have a idea, but I don't think that you'll like it all that much, my dear.”

You turn you hody towards his and slip your hand out of his, instead setting your hands collapsed together in your lap. Oh, now your other palm was going to get bloody. 

Aster clears his throat once again- you're not going to question it- before taking a breath. “Would you perhaps like to stay here?”

You stiffen. You can't...you really don't want do that, but then again, you broke into his home, and he gave you food and offered to help you find a place to stay instead of calling the police or harming you. How could anybody do anything so kind without it be genuine? You can't believe that anyone would be so understanding, so nice.

_ He could easily be trying to manipulate you,  _ you reason with yourself.  _ It wouldn't be the first time that it happened either. Besides Audrey, who has ever been nice to you, and even those who were nice before eventually became cruel. Can you really trust him? _

Can you trust anyone?

...but, at this point, do you even care anymore?

Hesitantly, and still shaking, you whisper your answer. 

“Y..yes. I-if you're sure.”

This time, Aster's grin is much more genuine. He stands and-  _ wow, _ he's really tall. 

He lets out a sigh of relief. “I'm glad that you'd take up my offer. Don't worry, this will only be until I can find a proper place for you to stay so you won't have to be around me because, if I may be so bold, I assume the reason that you wish not to go to the shelter is perhaps due to the fact that it has many people there?”

Your eyes widen in surprise as you nod. How the hell could he tell? Are you that obvious?

Almost reading your mind, he adds on with a smirk, “I've been researching on..." his mouth twiches for a second, "..human body language just incase if I were to encounter one.”

He researches humans? If he's being honest about that, then you're seriously reconsidering the offer to stay already. He could easily find a way to make you sick or to hurt you easier. The thought of it makes you sweat, but you can't possibly deny his offer now that you just said yes; he might get angry with you. He could start shouting. Shouting can be as bad as hitting sometimes.

Aster snaps you out of your thoughts and, when you take a second to look up at him, he's frowning down at you. “My dear, are you-”

Whatever Aster was going to ask gets cut off by the sudden sound of a door opening, making you flinch and you hug yourself as you look down.

You can tell that Aster is trying to say something to you, but you can hear him over the sound of loud footsteps getting closer. The same drunken footsteps that always walk through the door when he gets home and going to find either your mother to argue with or yell at you…

But instead of your father, you look up to see another wide-eyed skeleton before his expression turns smug.

“So bro, you finally got yourself a little human, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, looks like we're finally going to get to see some G in the next chapter!  
> Thanks for the positive comments guys. I'm kind of nervous to be making a fic of the Gaster bros since I never see them anywhere, but I'm glad you guys seem to be excited for this :)  
> Anyways, have a good day/night


	3. Is This Regret, or Hope?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But bro," G pouts in fake disappointment. "They're just too cute not to compliment. Don't lie and say that you don't agree with me now, bro."
> 
> "I never claimed that I didn't find them attractive."
> 
> "So you do?"

_ Finally got yourself a little human…? _

The relief that you felt only for a moment instantly vanishes, and you lower your head to fixate on the floor as you hug yourself tighter, your thoughts wondering.

_ Has Aster been wanting a human? What would he even want one for?...wait, he said that he's been researching humans. Was I right? Does he want to make me sick, or worse, has he been planning to capture a human and experiment on them? Or maybe even torture them? Oh god oh dear christ- _

You didn't realize that your breathing had become heavier until Aster placed a hand on your shoulder, making you jump.

"Slow, deep breaths, dear," he instructs you, his tone gentle. 

Still terrified, you wouldn't dare not to do as he says and comply. Inhale, exhale. Your grip around yourself loosens a little, and you hiss through clenched teeth. You hadn't realized that you were holding yourself so tightly. It feels as though your nails dug deep, and you fear you might end up with buries.

Not that you don't have enough already.

When you lift your head to glance at Aster, he seems annoyed. But his annoyance isn't directed at you. 

No, it's aimed towards the new stranger, who's still smirking, but something in his expression seems off as he takes a quick glance at you, sweat forming on his temple.

"Brother," Aster says slowly, his voice a warning. "That was highly inappropriate. What have I told you about moderation?"

The other skeleton chuckles, wiping his sweat away with his jacket sleeve. "What? I see you with a little human and you expect me to not think something's up? That's what that blush on your cheeks is tellin' me, bro." 

Aster's cheeks blush even more at the observation but shakes his skull, his brows narrowing. "The only reason that I'm blushing is because you made an inappropriate assumption. That isn't why this human, (Y/N), is even here right now."

"Then why-"

"They're-" Aster clears his throat. "...well, they're going to be staying here for awhile."

For a moment, Aster's brother doesn't seem to understand. "What, like, to sleepover or something? Because last you invited someone overnight she almost burnt down the house and I'm  _ not  _ going to pay for any of the damage."

Someone tried to burn their house down? You hope that whoever this 'she' is, you won't have to meet her anytime soon while you're here.

Aster clasps his gloved hands, twiddling his thumbs nervously. "Actually, brother, they'll be staying here to...live with us for awhile. But it's only temporary! It'll only be until I can find them a more suitable place to stay."

Terrified-

Nervous to see the other skeletons face, you put your head back down. You can't even imagine what you'd do if one of your parents brought somebody to live with you all and you didn't know anything about them. You'd probably have a panic attack at the idea of them being able to just waltz into any room that they wanted, since that's what guest at your house always were able to do.

Yet the only rooms that you could go into without asking permission first was your own room and the living room.

A few seconds of silence pass before you hear the other skeleton's voice, slow and concerned. "Bro, uh, can we have a talk for a minute?"

Aster puts a hand on your shoulder and you flinch, snapping your head up to look at him. He smiles, but it does quite reach his eyes. "I'll be back in a moment dear. Feel free to finish eating your meal while I'm absent."

You nob, casting your gaze back to the floor as you go and sit back in the wooden chair as the brothers walked off into another room, their hushed whispers fading. Once you can no longer hear the pair, you let put the breath that you haven't even realize you've been holding.

Looking at the food before you only makes your stomach turn. It's far too much for just one meal, but you haven't eaten since...since…

When  _ did  _ you last have a proper meal?

Hesitantly, you pick up a potato chip and munch on it, and you hum happily at the familiar salty taste. You haven't had chips since the last time you saw your friend Audrey, and that had been over a month ago, before she had to move away. Before you had no one left to talk to. To comfort you.

You didn't realize that there were tears in your eyes until they started falling, and you wipe them away. Your heart aches at the memory of her hugging you, saying goodbye as her voice wavered, but you won't let yourself cry. You can't. Not in another person's home.

Before you know it, the brothers are back, and you lower your head to look at your lap.

"Heya," Aster's brother greets you. You jump in your chair at the sudden closeness of his voice and you look up to see him offering his gloved hand, a smirk on his face. "The name's G, but feel free to call me yours, (Y/N)."

Your face heats at his tone, but you can't help but think of his name;  _ G _ . What an odd thing to name someone. Or is it only a nickname? You want to ask him, but that seems rude, especially since he's  _ waiting for you to shake his hand goddamnit. _

You shake his hand and you worry about your sweaty palms, but he doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he seems amused at your nervousness, chuckling. "As cute as you are, there's no need to be nervous. I wouldn't harm someone with such a pretty face."

If your face wasn't red enough, it sure was now. G laughs, "That just proves my point."

You're sure that you're emitting steam at this point when Aster decides to step in, glaring at G in disapproval. "That's enough, brother. We don't want to overwhelm dear (Y/N) on their first night here. Besides, didn't I give you a task to do? And of which you'll actually do instead of messing with our guest?"

"But bro," G pouts in fake disappointment. "They're just too cute  _ not  _ to compliment. Don't lie and say that you don't agree with me now, bro."

"I never claimed that I didn't find them attractive."

"So you do?"

Aster stares at his brother in disbelief, his cheekbones gaining a green hue. What is  _ that _ ? It looks as though he's sick...

_ Probably because the thought of finding me attractive makes him disgusted. _

G only smirks at him, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. "Once again, proves my point."

G turns back to you, and whatever expression that he sees on your face makes his smirk fall for a moment before tugging it back up again into a grin, but it seems kind of forced. There's a look in his sockets that you can't quite describe. He offers his hand out to you. "Take my hand, angel. I'll show you up to your room. Maybe, if you want, I can join you and-"

"Brother!" Aster interrupts. "What did I just say?"

"Listen,  _ buzzkill _ , I wasn't actually going to do anything."

"It's still very inappropriate for you to even imply such a thing!"

G rolls his eye lights and turns his attention back to you. "I didn't mean it, angel. Seriously. Let me just show you to your room and I'll leave you be so that you could get settled...unless you don't want me to."

You don't really hear his words, instead staring at his gloved hand. Unlike Aster who's wearing pristine white gloves, his gloves are pitch black and are fingerless, only covering wear his palm would be. The idea of touching his bare bones frightens you, but you can't place why. It just...doesn't real right to you, for some strange reason.

Yet, you hesitantly take his hand, and his grin widens the slightest bit. "Sweet. Now come on. Let me show you your new room, angel."

 

Aster

 

When you and G disappeared into the room towards the stairs, Aster sat back down at his seat and slouched in it and let out a sigh.

_ Why,  _ he asked himself, his brows narrowing in frustration.  _ Why did you even offer to let them stay here?  _

He knew exactly why he offered to let you live here for the time being; you had nowhere to go. He couldn't possibly just leave you to fend for yourself on the streets! Sure, breaking into his house would make him call the police on normal circumstances, but you certainly didn't look like you wanted to steal anything- and if he was being honest, it doesn't look like you could with how thin you are- and that you were hungry. Not only that, but you looked  _ horrified  _ at the mention of a homeless shelter.

He still couldn't believe that he had used  _ body language  _ as his excuse for being able to tell that you didn't like being around that many people. He hates lying to people, but if he told you the actual reason of how he knew, that would only have made you more frightened than you already were at that moment. That's the last thing that he wants. But he could've at least came up with a better excuse than  _ that _ .

You're still a stranger, though. Aster knows that he's too trusting for his own good sometimes, and although he's a good judge of character, he's also aware of the fact that his kindness could be taken advantage of. It's what G told him then, and it's what G just told him now.

But this time, he knows that he can trust you. There's something calling out to him, deep within his SOUL, that tells him that he can trust you.

He just hopes that you won't prove him wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Looks like you made it to the end of this chapter! That means a lot to me :)
> 
> So I usually wouldn't do this, but I really wanted to try writing a bit of the chapter in the P.O.V of Aster. I've never written anything put of the view of the reader, so this was a bit of an experience for me. I hope that I can one day make a whole chapter in the Aster or maybe even G, or at least a majority of it.
> 
> Anyways, I hope that you all enjoyed, and have a good day/night!


	4. What's Her Name Again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only person who really knows about your problems and cared about you only exist in your dreams now, so what's the point?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: IMPLIED ABUSE AND PANIC ATTACKS. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

"Hey, uh..." G says. "...you know that I was just kidding earlier, right?"

You were following behind G up the stairs and down the hallway, going to the guest room that Aster had mentioned before. You don't process G's words at first, instead taking in all the vases and flowers and plants that littered the house, or at least this part of it. There were a variety of different flowers and plants, but there was always seemed to be at least one golden flower in each flower pot, and the vases all looked as those they were crafted in ancient China. You wanted to get closer and study them more carefully, but you were beyond afraid that you'd break one by accident.

_ What did I tell you about running around the house? Do you want to spend the rest of your fucking life locked in your room? Huh!? _

...you look down, and try to ignore your shaking as you continue the hallway.

"Uh, surface to (Y/N)?"

You snap your head back up at the sound of G's voice. Oh gosh, did he say something before? You didn't catch it.

G stops walking and turns around so quickly that you flinch, and for a moment, you don't see him, no. 

Instead, the imagine of your father stands before you, his eyes filled with fury and his mouth curled into a sneer.

G's eye sockets widen and he's looked like he's seen a ghost, but he tries to keep his voice steady and calm. "Hey, look...look at me." He takes a step closer and you step back. When did you start breathing so heavily?

You...can't  _ breathe-! _

"I'm...not whatever- or  _ whoever  _ you think I am," he assures you. For some reason that you can't place, hearing his voice in such a gentle tone is odd, yet so fitting at the same time. Oddly, although not much, it somehow helps.

"It's okay," he says. When he steps towards you, you don't take one back. He crouches down to your level and looks into your eyes. 

You've...never had anything look so  terrified  concerned for you before, besides Audrey…

"It's fine, kid. You're fine."

You're really not, but you desperately want to believe it, and he looks so shaken. You try to control your breathing, hoping that you'll be fine. You'll be fine once you're alone in the guest room. You're  _ fine. _

You can't stop trembling.

G turns back around, his back to you as he starts walking again. You follow behind him with your head lowered, but you notice that his legs are...oh dear, is he shaking?

"I...asked if you knew that I was just kidding earlier," he says, breaking the tense silence. "Because I was. It was only a joke."

_ Not a very funny joke,  _ you think to yourself. You wouldn't dare say that out loud though. "I k-know."

"Doesn't sound like you believe me."

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't-!"

He chuckles, cutting you off. "You're so worried all the time. It's okay, you know. I'll try not to make those kinds of jokes any more if they make you feel uncomfortable. It'd just be kinda hard to do, since you're a pretty cute human."

Your face heats. You've only been here for barely even an hour, and they've already made you more flustered than you've been in almost your whole life. What is it with these two and their compliments? 

_ So that they can gain your trust,  _ you reason with yourself.  _ They'll wait awhile, and once you feel safe, you'll be dead- if you're that lucky that is. _

But Aster offered to let you stay here after he suggested taking you to other places. Surely that must mean  _ something, _ right?

Besides, if you did die here, who would even care?

 

* * *

 

...you thought that this would've been better, but like always, your luck doesn't seem to be in your favor.

Fortunately, G really was telling the truth when he said that he was joking, and he left you to yourself after showing you where the door to the guest room is and then disappeared down the hall, but not before blowing you a kiss. Honestly, you were more curious about how he could even blow a kiss without lips than you were flustered by the action(though it still left your face rather heated).

When you opened the door to the room, you didn't picture any specific way that it would look, but if you did, it wouldn't compare to what you were seeing a few moments ago.

The room itself had to be 2 times the size of your old one, and the walls are a pristine white. There's a king-sized bed with a bunch of large, fluffy pillows, and two nightstands on each side. There's shelves built into the wall, each shelf littered with a variety of books, and a large dresser stood against another wall and  _ is that a fucking chandlier on the ceiling? _

What surprises you the most about the room, though, is the amount of flowers that were placed all over the room. There were so many; one on the dresser, one little pot on each bookshelf, and on the nightstands too. They didn't even look fake. They can't possibly be putting new flowers in the vases and pots each time that they die, can they? 

You...felt overwhelmed. 

As lovely as it all is, it feels like too much for you. You didn't do anything to deserve this. All you've done is be an inconvenience to Aster and G by having to put up with you while you stay here.

You hiss out in pain. Oh god, what the hell is wrong with you now? It feels like it's your stomach is killing you…

You look at yourself in a mirror hanging on a wall and left your shirt up to see what's wrong-

Oh. 

Yeah.

Your bruises.

How could you've forgotten about your aching feet and the darkening bruises that your parents had left on you? They weren't hurting while you were with Aster and G, though. Why are you hurting now?

You don't get an answer, because a sudden wave of exhaustion hits you and you climb into the bed, not even bothering to pull back the covers. It hurts to move, but when you find a position that you're comfortable in, the pain settles a bit. Aster and G will probably get mad at you for wearing your dirty clothes in bed, but you can't bring yourself to care right now, instead closing your eyelids and letting your exhaustion take over.

* * *

 

 

You open your eyes, but all you see is darkness. You know that you're not in the room however, because can feel wet grass underneath your feet. Since when were you standing up?

"Hey," a voice calls. You try to turn your head towards the voice, but you can't move. Why can't you move? You don't know why, but you have to move. Someone is telling you to move, yet you hear no voice.  _ You have to move towards them! _

Your eyes open, and you can see a house ahead. It looks like you're in a backyard, and when you look behind you, it looks like it leads into the woods. It feels...familiar.

But weren't your eyes open before?

"I've been wanting to talk to you about...something important," the voice says. You turn your head to them, and you recognize who it is instantly.

Audrey

But that isn't her name.

Not her real one.

Audrey(no, not Audrey, but what is it then?) takes in a shaky breath. "I...I'm...wow, we're best friends, aren't we (Y/N)?"

You try to nod, but you can't move again. Why can't you just  _ move?  _ And why can't you speak?

When were you even trying to speak, though?

She pauses for a moment, looking at the ground. Your can't seem to control your own body any more, and something- or some _ one-  _ forces you to look down at the ground.

It's not grass any more. It's hard wood, with cracks and dirty and, from the corner of your eye, you see some kind of liquid spelt on the ground. It seems like some kind of alcohol.

You know this wood, this floor.

It's your house floor of the living room, and you can see a familiar set of flip flops in front of you.

Your mother.

You can feel yourself start to shake, in fear of not knowing why she stands in front of you. You can feel her stare burning into your head, only making you tremble more, but you wouldn't dare to look up without her telling you to do so. 

She had no pity for your trembling state, though, and reached out to grab a fistful of your hair with her hand, roughly showing your face to hers so you could meet her gaze, her eyes filled with hate and fury.

Her lips are moving, but you can't hear anything. All you can hear is the buzz inside of your mind.

Whatever she's saying doesn't matter, anyways.

No matter what you do or say back, the end result is always the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit that I had a lot of difficulty with this chapter, but I wanted the reader to have a dreamnin this chapter so I tired to power through it.
> 
> Also, the only two things that I'll say about how the reader looks is that they have hair covering the right side of their face, they have scars some, and that they're rather skinny. The rest of their looks is up to you.
> 
> Anyways, hope you all enjoyed, and have a good day/night!


	5. This Isn't The Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ..At times like these, you wonder what Audrey would say if she saw you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Implications of self-harm, A nightmare, Blood, Slight gore and self-hared ahead. Please proceed with caution.

You're bleeding.

You watch through the cracked bathroom mirror as the red fluid trickles down from the gash in your cheek, your expression unmoving as you lightly graze your fingertips over the wound. Surprisingly, despite it being fresh, it doesn't ache or even sting when you touch it or the area around it.

This...this isn't right...

You didn't even notice how your breathing got heavier, a bit quicker, as you slowly push the very tip of your index finger into the gush.

It doesn't hurt.

This isn't right.

Your breath gets noticeably quicker and you feel your heart began to beat faster as you push your finger a little deeper inside - you should be able to feel your teeth by now,  _ where are your teeth?  _ \- and it's still completely numb. The blood that was previously trailing down your face and to your chin has dried, but as you push deeper and deeper, more blood spits from the wound but it has already browned, coming out in little flakes and floating to the floor.

The deeper you push, the more you go on to the point it feels like almost your whole hand is inside, you get more terrified and angrier until you can't even think. You should just accept this. It's not hurting, so why are you pushing? Why are you doing this to yourself? Why do you keep purposely hurting yourself this way when you can just accept the fact this it doesn't  _ want  _ to hurt you and...

You hit something.

Something not really painful, but it stings you.

You jolt awake with a scream.

Immediately, you cover your mouth once you realize that you're awake, but your body quivers and your soul aches with a thrumming pain. You can already feel the tears forming in the corners of your eyes as you curl your legs up to your chest, hugging yourself as if you'll be taken away if you don't.

You let out a squeak at the sudden sound of knuckles rapping on the door.

Quickly, you wipe away your tears and uncurl yourself, straightening up as you call out a quiet 'come in.'

The door creaks open to reveal Aster, a concerned expression on his face. "Good morning, (Y/N). Are you alright? I was walking down the hall and I thought I heard screaming."

Your cheeks flush in embarrassment. Were you really that loud? What do you say? Should you just lie and say that wasn't you or that it was the sound of something else, or would he be able to tell and punish you for it? Oh gods, you've been staring at him for too long,  _ say something you idiot. _

"I'm...I'm sorry," you wheeze, almost breathless. "I-I thought that I saw a mouse or something. I apologize for being so loud, I just got a little startled."

"A mouse?" Aster seems alarmed and is immediately by your side, scanning your body and...grabs your arm, looking over it. "Are you alright? It didn't bite you, did it? I thought that I-"

You rip your arm away from his grasp. " _ Don't touch me! _ "

He takes a step back, startled by your sudden tone.

Panic rushes through you when you realize what you've just done, and you scramble to apologize. "I-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to shout. I'm just really jumpy from the mouse b-because they freak me out a lot and-!"

To your surprise, he actually...chuckles? "Oh, please do forgive me. I don't mean laugh. It's just...you don't have to apologize for every little thing that you do, dear. You were only startled, it's fine."

It's...it's  _ fine?  _ You almost want to scoff, but that might actually give you into trouble. You don't understand; how could it possibly be  _ fine _ when you've just snapped at him, and shouted at him so rudely? 

But he only grins at you before he's back behind the door, and he almost completely shuts it before he says to you, "Oh, how improper of me to forget the reason that I came up here in the first place! I wanted to inform you that I've provided you with some clothes. They're in the bathroom. You can take a shower whenever you want, and afterwards, feel free to come downstairs if you wish for something to eat."

He gives you a warm smile before shutting the door. "See you later, dear. Please do take your time."

 

-

 

Aster hadn't informed you of where the bathroom was located, so you spent longer than you probably should've knocking on each of the upstairs doors and opening them when no one gave an answer.

You couldn't help but notice that each of the doors were a different pastel color, remembering how when you walked by all of the doors downstairs seemed to be dark. You wonder if it means anything, that each color was supposed to symbolize something, or that it was to help remember what door lead to which room. It  _ is  _ a rather large house after all. Perhaps even Aster and G get lost around the place?

Thankfully, you found the bathroom behind a door that was pastel colored, but was instead just a plain white. You open the door to see that the room is perfectly clean and, though the floor tiles were only a dull grey, the walls were large tiles of white honed travertine. The counter was a brilliant porcelain white and, just like the room that they let you use, there were flowers almost everywhere you gazed at.

It...still felt very overwhelming, but you certainly weren't complaining.

After taking a moment longer to admire the room, you start stripping off your clothes...

Oh, yeah, you keep forgetting your bruises.

They no longer ache as much as they did before, but it still stings a little when you touch at one them curiously. They've already turned a dark hue of purple with yellow blotches, only making your body look even more hideous than before. Normally you'd at least care enough to put some ice on them or rub some vitamin cream in them, but you're almost certain that Aster and G wouldn't have any cream for bruises since they can't really get them, with their lack of skin and all. And you don't want to ask either of them for any ice either; they've already given you enough, and you don't want to be greedy. 

As you begin to start the shower up and wait for the water to become lukewarm, taking a moment to curiosity feel the texture of the counter, your mind wanders back to Aster and just how  _ quick  _ he was to forgive you for what you did. You had gripped his arm, which in itself was completely unacceptable, but then you had dared to  _ shout _ at him.

Yet, he forgave it so quickly. He had let it go so easily, just like that...

It's so  _ frustrating _ . You...you don't get it. You  _ don't understand!... _

You don't realize how tightly you've been gripping the sharp edge of the sink before you cut yourself on accident, and you hiss out in pain. You turn your hand over to see that though the cut isn't that deep, a small amount of blood still flows out from the wound. It stings.

...Good.

...How...how long has it been since you've let any of your frustration out?

You stare at your finger and your nails. Your fingers have been cut before, rather by clumsy accidents or on...different occasions, but no matter what, some of the small scars that have formed had stubbornly remained. You had nibbled your nails down, so much so that it sometimes hurt to hold anything, a pronounced pink bridge with little flecks of red on top of each of your fingers.

You're so frustrated. You're so... _ numb _ .

Maybe it'd help to let it go…

No.

You hadn't realized the tears falling from your eyes until you pushed your forehead against the mirror, like it you push your head hard enough, then all of your pain would go away. 

You won't do it. You won't hurt yourself, not ever again. The shower will help you relax, just like a shower always does for you. You're okay. You'll be okay.

...At times like these, you wonder what Audrey would say if she saw you.

 

-

 

The clothes were far too large for you. Though the black leggings were a decent size, the shirt was definitely oversized; the long sleeves of the cloth were so big that you could easily fit both of your arms in just one of them and still have room left over, went down to your knees, and it exposed more of your chest then you're comfortable with. It felt more like a dress than a shirt. Nevertheless, they were given to you, and you always wear the clothes that people give you. 

You walked barefoot down the cold steps of the stairs and found your way to the kitchen(thank the angels you remembered where it was)and saw Aster in front of the stove, the delectable smell of eggs and bacon filling the air as he flipped over something in a pan.

He turns his skull to you and smiles. "Hello dear. How are the clothes? Do they - oh my."

His cheeks flush a bright green when he gets a  glimpse of your chest and quickly looks away. Why is he-

_ Oh _ .

You quickly cover your chest, and you can feel your cheeks heating up. You had already forgotten how the shirt had exposed yourself. "S-sorry, I should've covered myself up-"

"N-no, no, it was my fault," Aster insists, his blush growing darker and still refusing to look at you as he continues to cook. "I knew that those were too big for you. I just underestimated  _ how  _ big. I'm so sorry."

You twitch. He's...apologizing again? "Still, it's stupid that I somehow even forgot about it. I'm so sorry."

Aster turns the knobs on the stove and turns it off, sliding the hashbrowns in the pan onto a plate with a spatula. His tone is still apologetic as he replies, "No need to apologize just because you forgot. We all forget things - even when they're right in front of us. Here."

He slides his trench coat off, the same one that he wore yesterday and, much to your surprise, walks over to you and puts it over your shoulders, but backs away when you flinch. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to startle you! I just thought that it would perhaps be a good idea for you to borrow my trench coat until I can provide something better suited for you to wear. You don't mind wearing this for now, do you?"

It takes all of your willpower to not breakdown right there.

This, just like the room, his apology and the clothes, is just so... _ overwhelming _ . And you don't trust it either, it's all just so, so much to take in and  _ deal with _ -

You take in a deep breath, and allow yourself to breathe( ~~and, for some odd reason, the familiar scent of mint and, strangely, an old worn-out book enters your nostrils~~ ).

~~_ Something's wrong. _ ~~

You give Aster a thankful smile. "I don't have a problem with it at all. Thank you, Aster."

Aster grins, though there's... _ something  _ in his expression, something that you can’t put your finger on.

~~_ Guilt _ ~~ _? _

"That's splendid," he says. "Now G will hopefully be at least a little less indecent around you."

You feel your face heat at the memory of G yesterday. You really,  _ really  _ don't like being flirted with  _ at all.  _ "I hope so. N-not to sound rude of course! It was just a...a little bit much for me, was all. Sorry."

He nods in understanding. "I know. I'm more than aware that my brother can occasionally be overbearing." A playful grin suddenly tugs at his disapproving frown. "And if you ever need me to shut him up, then I'll happily smack him for you."

You let out a quiet giggle, surprised. Hearing someone who, from what you've gathered, usually speaks so properly saying something like that is rather comical. 

_ What are you laughing about? I'm being serious. _

Instantly, your smile fades back into your neutral state. "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind."

Aster's grin twitches, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he opens one of the drawers next to him, pulls out a fork and hands it to you before pushing a plate filled with eggs and a couple pieces of bacon towards you. "You're welcome. If you'd like any hash browns, feel free to take as much as you wish. And if you want seconds or anything else to eat, there's some fruit in a bowl on the table."

You look at the plate of food in disbelief, your mouth watering at the wonderful scent of eggs. They look fluffy and smell like they've been perfectly cooked, and the bacon is as greasy looking as it smells amazing.

You're going to start crying.

You grit your teeth, your tone grateful but tight as you mumble a small 'thank you', but you're still so  _ frustrated,  _ so  _ angry  _ and  _ confused.  _ Why, in the angels name, does he keep doing all this? Or, a better question, why do  _ you  _ keep doing this, or feeling like this? He’s being nice to you, yet for no reason, you keep on getting mad at him. You were the one that agreed to live with him, so you have no right to complain. You agreed despite what you thought, what you  _ know _ will most likely will happen to you, yet you keep complaining for what?  _ Because he won’t just do what he wants already or _ ...or…

You hadn’t realized how rapidly your breathing had gotten before you felt yourself calming down, your throat dry and Aster resting a gentle hand on your shoulder as he crouched down to your level, concern laid on his features.

~~_ Why does your stomach feel so...good? _ ~~

“Are you alright, dear,” he asks, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

He waits patiently for an answer from you as it takes you a moment to collect yourself. You hold a hand over your sore throat, and your voice comes out harshly and almost painful. “I-I’m...okay. I’m okay, I’m alright.”

“Are you sure?”

You feel yourself beginning to tremble, your body cold( ~~_ yet so, so warm _ ~~ )and your hands and lips feeling slighty numb, but you voice doesn’t waver. “Yes. I’m fine now. Thank you.”

He doesn’t seem convinced, but his mouth just curves into a sad smile. “Okay. Just know that if you ever need to or want to talk to me, I’ll be right upstairs or a call away, alright?”

He pulls back his sweater sleeve, revealing a watch and you don’t get a chance to respond. His sockets widen when he sees the time and he quickly rushes over to the fridge.

"I apologize for cutting this short," he sighs, scrambling to put a banana and some blueberry that he grabs from the fridge into a container that he pulls from another cabinet. "I, unfortunately, have to go to work today, which means you'll have to stay with my brother for the day."

... _ what? _

“Huh,” you wheeze out, suddenly breathless.

He squeezes the top of the container tightly and quickly shuffles his way to the door and you follow behind him. Did you hear him correctly? Did he just say that you're going to be with G for the day?

Aster grabs an old wooden cane that was leaning against the wall near the front door and a coat rack and unlocks the front door, shutting it behind him as he calls out, “Have a lovely day, my dear. If G gets out of hand or distresses you in anyway, I left my work number on the fridge.” And, just like that, he shuts the door behind him to leave you to yourself.

You stared at the door, wide eyed and momentarily taken aback. He just...left you alone to be with his brother for the day? 

...well, it...actually doesn’t sound  _ too _ bad, now that you think about it.

~~_ You shouldn’t be so calm about this. _ ~~

G had showed some sign of concern yesterday for you, at least. And he seemed to back off rather quickly once it was made obvious that you were uncomfortable. Maybe, today, it’ll be alright.  

~~_ Why are you so calm? Something isn't...t _ ~~ ~~_ his isn’t right... _ ~~

Letting out a quiet sigh, you didn't even realize how tightly you've been gripping the coat-

Wait.

_ You’re still wearing Aster’s coat. _

Immediately, you tear the coat off from yourself and throw it over the coat rack. Aster must’ve forgot that you’re wearing it. 

But...it had felt so nice _ … _

You had been too distracted to realize it before, but the coat had smelled odd, but comforting. It smelt like a variety of teas mixed with mint and, strangely, the scent of snow on a winter morning and the smell of leaves in the fall. You didn't understand how, but it had. And the  _ feeling _ of it. Oh, it was so  _ warm _ and comforting, like someone that you loved and cared held you in their embrace.

Slowly, you reach for the coat, and small trace of a smile on your face.

It had felt... _ safe... _

...no.

You draw your hand back from it, your grin falling once again.

You don't deserve to feel that feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, we getting into it now.
> 
> So sorry for taking so long. I was having a lot of problems while writing this, plus my mental health was kind of kicking my butt. And I got sick. A LOT.
> 
> But...now I wonder what was going on with the reader. Hmm...
> 
> Anyways, hope ypu all enjoyed, and have a good day/night!

**Author's Note:**

> God, I wish that I've could've written more, but I was too excited to finally post the first chapter!  
> If you want to see more of my content, I have a Tumblr called This-Is-Rae where I post one-shots, art and imagines.  
> Anywyas, hope you guys enjoyed, and have a good day/night! :)


End file.
